I recently started doing TRE, or trauma and tension releasing exercises. Basically TRE is a progressive set of stretches and yoga-like positions intended to induce deep muscle tremoring. This tremoring helps reduce and reset the tension and stress being held in the muscles. This was introduced at a session my wife and I participated in during the recent CCISF virtual conference. I was skeptical but intrigued by something claiming both immediate and lasting benefits so we signed up for an introductory session.

Blown away is an understatement. I was moved to tears after that session. I felt a physical calmness that I had given up hope on ever feeling again. I was Relaxed. Grounded. It didn’t involve drugs or trauma talk. I was having a serious “a-ha moment”, like when I first heard black metal some 26 odd years ago. I know this is what is going to help me now much in the way I knew that black metal was to be my soundtrack back then.

A big part of all of this recovery stuff is regaining some feeling of confidence through symptom control; I can talk all I want about my feelings and experiences (my wife is rolling her eyes right about now) but that never truly alleviated the physical effects of PTSD. I’m always tense, guarded. There’s always some baseline feelings of stress and uneasiness. Tears sometimes feel imminent. I don’t numb anymore but I still try to be cool, however the truth oozes out at times.

Exercise never seemed to help (it’s my psychologists turn to roll his eyes). I would go to the gym and leave feeling even more tense and mentally wound up, convinced I was an even bigger freak because I never achieved any relaxation or felt that exercise euphoria others would speak of. That’s without the intimidation of feeling trapped in a room full of people who could easily seriously hurt me if they wanted to. I was supposed to go through this daily. 3 times a week was the most I reached. One could argue that I didn’t have the perseverence, and I would agree, but I wasn’t in a mental position to be weathering a months-long test of endurance in the hopes that it might help.

TRE has shown me I can have some control of that physical part too, that there’s a healthy way to cope with and release all of that physical stress. TRE is the missing piece of hope for me that I can do something about the physical symptoms of PTSD. It’s renewing some confidence I desperately need. It’s something I’m looking forward to. I can learn to do it alone and thus when needed. It’s improving my outlook on my prospects of coping with my mental health because I have found something I can do about the part of PTSD I thought depressingly permanent. It’s breaking the cycle of physical stress worsening mental stress which in turn leads to more physical stress. I know when the mental stress leads to the physical stress I can now do something about it which leaves me in a better state of optimism to take on the mental health challenges.