My wife and I did another TRE session this past Saturday and I’m renewing my vows. I’m smitten. I flipped that “broken switch” off once again. My ability to physically regulate my anxiety feels stronger and my confidence to be able to continue to maintain that has increased. I’m so grateful I gave this a chance. Not starting things out physically feeling like everything has already gone wrong is something I have desperately missed. We are learning TRE virtually for now with a wonderful lady named Martez ( handsonhealthcare.org ) and her equally wonderful friend/patient Dave.

I have been struggling again lately with my anxiety and depression. My wife has been ill. The cat died. The kids are homeschooling. The third wave of covid with its variants and its resultant hospital overload has really scared me. Years of offload delays and treating patients on my stretcher conditioned me to worry about these systemic problems, and that was without a pandemic and the subsequently cancelled electives making it all exponentially worse. It’s a grave problem that outside of healthcare one doesn’t personally see or appreciate until it’s too late. I dunno. Is a wet paint sign always lying until you’re forced to touch the paint? Everyone who has to touch it deserves gloves, don’t they?

Anyway, I thought I was doing allright with my symptoms until we started going on walks with the nicer weather. I had mysef fooled. I couldn’t focus on the conversation, everyone I saw posed stranger danger and I snapped at the kids for talking. Always with the sirens outside too. Pretty cool. Turns out I still have PTSD. What does all this have to do with TRE? The difference I’m noticing since beginning TRE is that while I’m still finding going out daunting at times I regulate better and the task doesn’t overwhelm and overtake the rest of the day. Grocery shopping, going to an appointment or going out for a walk isn’t a day-long prep and recovery feat. Minor instances of spontaneity seem more tolerable. Even when something does prove difficult it’s become easier to return to baseline. Knowing there is an eventual release on the horizon for anything residual has left me feeling less discouraged by my symptoms these past couple of weeks.

My in-person weekly exposure therapy is on hold while I get my anxiety over the health care system collapsing back in check. Due to resume in a couple of weeks I find myself wanting to continue the challenge with my newfound coping tool in the fold. I want to learn to deal with being around and eventually in the back of an ambulance. I’m already doing well with the front cab. I want to see other paramedics. I want to be driving to my appointments again even if I will have to at some point pass another triggering accident. I don’t want to numb, I want to release. The valve has been opened.