When the double-O passed it hit. As it would have any metal fan. When you’re a die-hard metalhead it felt like one of the gods passed. Because one had. Yet, all the same, crassly it was somewhat to be expected. Obviously I know people die. Oh, how I do. The nuance of circumstance smears the black and white of that statement into a complicated, obtuse grey. As such, reading about Tomas feels much more intense. I’m listening to ‘Slaughter Of The Soul’ to honour the man who showed me the emotional depth possible in extreme metal vocals. This album was one of those that soundtracked my mid-adolescence, as in “on constant rotation”. Dog training was cancelled today so I at least get the honour of this death ritual with my shiny orange vinyl through headphones instead of some shitty stream in the car competing with the dull decibels of nuisance provided by the modern convenience of travelling in said car. 

New flash: I struggle with feelings. I was never a fan boy of personalities and I couldn’t tell you a single trivial fact about the vocalist in question, but he taught me well nonetheless. This is universal. 

I’m so glad to reconnect with an old friend. It was a good day, and we agreed to keep it going regularly so I’m going to make sure I do. I’m having a whole lot of feelings today, and they’re not being judged, they’re just intense. To the point I just feel exhausted and lost. My structure was cancelled and I’m replacing it with feelings. I’ll probably have a few tears at some point from how overwhelming this all is for me. Rolling with the changes isn’t much of a strong suit these days. More of an agony if I’m being honest. Even the positive does this. It may seem a weird statement to the uninitiated, but I’m not angry about having feelings. I’m not angry at the discomfort and anxiety it’s all causing. I’m not even angry at myself for not knowing what to do with myself, because it seems I actually figured it out for once.

Seems we could all “slow down”, eh Oz?