You can’t solve life. It isn’t a riddle, this is just how it all played out. Existence has always been most invigorating and visceral during its paradoxes, however kneeling at the altar of my downfall and realizing how antithetical this downfall is relative to the general life principles I had lived by even had me stumped. I thought I had a job I could leave at work because who really cares? Shit happens. If something I did helped someone then cool, but otherwise this was all an obvious exercise in the futility of hope.

Right?

Turns out I did care. Turns out I did harbour some of that hope. Being a paramedic showed me something I never thought was real. My feelings. Life needed a new lens and that gave me it. I had this strange drive to this paradoxical occupation. It was meant to be a lesson but it became an identity. It fit because it didn’t fit. It was a rebellion against rebellion. An adherent to chaos with a ‘matter over spirit’ belief system helping others?

Yep. I was meant to be on both sides. Why? All visible sides come with a dark posterior obviously. I’ve looked at it as my coin falling on my bright side and that I’m trying to stand it back up. Turns out both sides can be bright though. Or dark. Or neither. It also turns out that the coin never really fell over. It just needed a new lens again.