Today marks the first time I am typing an entry on a proper keyboard. The first time in a long time using one at all. My wonderful wife and children surprised me with a new chromebook today and I’m totally stoked. Typing on an iphone is tedious when you have hands larger than a 7 year old. While I’m grateful to have that this just has a totally different vibe to a small touchscreen.

I did TRE on my own Monday after my OT session. I got in the back of an ambulance for the first time since being off work and I got really overwhelmed, got all shakey and stuttery and I cried. A lot hit me in there really fast and I didn’t stay in there very long. Needless to say I came home with some baggage. I cried while I was doing the exercises. It’s part of the release, it just happens and I don’t fight it. The tremors were once again coarser as well but I had a lot to let go of. One of the things I have noticed is how much more of my body is in contact with the mat after I finish versus when I first lay down to begin. It feels strange to be so calm but it’s wonderful and welcome. I feel better about having to cope with my symptoms and it doesn’t have to be a white-knuckle ride the whole time. Still blown away. I need to make this a more regular practice. Period.

I also consistently recover better from those little ‘incidents’. The sirens, the horrid news articles, the mental slideshow, the startles. The baseline feels lower again after it seemed long blown. It’s just nice to discover some actual control amidst a maelstrom of uneasy acceptance.

It’s father’s day and although some of my gratitudes have seemed strange I have many of them today. The best father’s day gift of all is knowing I’m starting to give myself back to my family again through presence and hope. I am appreciative of all they have done for me but it is I who should be rewarding them for standing by me and waiting for the daylight to finally break again. That doesn’t have words though, only action.