Dead mangled father. Unconscious mother. Screaming kids. Dead mangled father. Unconscious mother. Screaming kids. Dead mangled father. Unconscious mother. Screaming kids.

“PAY ATTENTION TO DRIVING YOU FREAK! You don’t ‘got this’ but you need to focus on reality right now. Fuck.”

In fact, sitting in traffic and slowly passing 2 major accidents and witnessing all the responding emergency vehicles while driving home from the OT appointment has left me pretty far from having this.

I know I’m supposed to be gentle with myself. But right now I’m angry with myself and I just want to take pills, drink and cry until the numbness kicks in.

Instead, I made some coffee. I’m having a weed vape. I’ll put on the diffuser. I don’t need to beat myself up again. I already did that driving home. I can take a breath and know that I actually do have this. Even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment. Even if I do have to cry out the agitation and anger of once again being overwhelmed. It’s okay.

Fucking PTSD. Fuck.