School is back in. My oldest started grade 9 today. He’ll still be learning, but in a whole new framework and environment. The parallels of change are obvious. I think back 25 years ago to how intimidated and small that change made me feel, and where I am now isn’t far off. No matter what happens I’m facing a new beginning, only I didn’t plan to have it. Even a return to the road, the holy grail of normalcy, is the beginning of life as a paramedic with mental illnesses. As he faces down the challenges of change today I’m inspired by him to accept and work with my own.

His world is a strange place of self-surveillance, with more cameras than even George Orwell could have imagined. Peers function as the state. Memories are cheap now, so we make more of them. Everything gets documented, exposed and scruitinized. No longer satisfied with the news and staring people now had to whip out their phones to chronicle the misfortune of others for ‘social media’. Sign of the times as they say. These are his times.

I’m meeting my OT at the train station downtown this week. The nerves have been tested out recently. What’s once more? I’ll sweat on the train. The nausea will come. People will look while I fidget with my rock and roll my ankle around nervously. I’ll try not to scan the train. I’ll smell the calming scent applied to my arm. I’ll stare at the floor if I feel the tears sting my eyes. This is the way things are now. Growth is learning to be okay with that.