It’s a beautiful day so I decided to stop hiding from it. I took the kids to a newly paved high school parking lot to scooter and rollerblade. Then my middle son fell while rollerblading as fast as he could, scraping up his knee and butt cheek. It could have been worse. I immediately went over, assessed the damage and we headed home to clean things up. As I was cleaning his wounds I came to realize this simple task of parenting was sending my mind elsewhere. The act of opening a 4×4. Tearing off pieces of tape. Brief instances of motor memory, but enough to get to me. I came outside where I now sit. I don’t know how I feel.

_________________________________________

I’m listening to the new Bad Religion album. New to me anyway. Somehow it escaped me upon release a few months ago. My wife said that was proof I was spending too much time in my head. I’m home alone. Perfect opportunity to do just that. Today I’m not going to go down that rabbit hole though. I can’t have a do-over to somehow prevent getting PTSD. No point trying to figure that out anymore. Like my arthritic neck occasionally pains me so to will my brain. The time between doesn’t need to be spent ruminating on it. Things will never go back to being the same as they had been. Nor should they. The rules of engagement must also change.