My family and I went to a beach today. We had to take the highway across the south end of the city to get there, passing one of the hospitals I frequented at work in the process. I did my best to be ready, but a couple of tears got through anyway as the sadness welled up when it came into view. My wife reminded me to think of the good that happened there. It’s true, I have experiences from across the spectrum. It’s just the bad ones always visit first and hardest. The word ‘triggered’ is used to describe the experience of having the senses and emotions of a traumatic event come flooding back. I’m not a fan of the term. I don’t have a better suggestion though, so ‘triggered’ it is. I didn’t let the trip there put a damper on the time at the beach. I had my grounding stone and my hippy stress aroma stuff. The trip home went a little better. It was still like a kick in the chest seeing that place again but I kept better control of myself.

Back when I smoked I was walking out to the sidewalk to have one at that hospital one night when a woman approached me. I didn’t recognize her but she sure knew me. She jogged my memory without me having to ask her to. Her son had intentionally overdosed a year prior and I had attended the call. She hugged me and started crying. She was at the ER as a patient due to a panic attack. I stood there while she wept on my arm. I didn’t say a word. We smoked together and she told me things about her son. It was hard having her turn that body into a person. When her cigarette was done she hugged me again, said goodbye and went back in the hospital. I wasn’t sure what to think of that encounter. It was awkward and tragic. Yet, she seemed to be a bit lighter when she left. I was the one who confirmed her worst fear to her and here she was hugging me. That’s what I thought of on the way home when the sight of that hospital kicked me. It may seem like an odd experience to distract myself with, but she thought enough of me to approach me and share. When you leave a mother crying with her family after the paperwork is done and the coroner has been called you don’t expect to see her again. At least not in a large city anyway.

Another day draws to a close. Another day further away.