I’m listening to Ultimas, thinking. Crown Royal northern harvest rye. It had been a long time. I went to the liquor store on my own yesterday. We had a party to attend. I was only going to buy beer and something for my wife, but the beer was fairly picked over. Naturally I thought of whiskey. I haven’t bought a bottle of hard liquor in over two years. I have had some on a couple of occasions, but that’s been it. Can I handle my kryptonite being in my hands? I drank slowly and responsibly at the party, even leaving enough time to drive home legally. It tasted good. Really good. I socialize better with alcohol. I know people say they do, but it helps me with the anxiety of being around other people that I don’t know well. When we got home I had more. Then I remembered to take my evening pill and made the choice to drink even more. Bad choice. I ended up getting incredibly dizzy and I threw up. I wanted to blame the medication so badly, but I couldn’t. I looked at the bottle today and I’m ashamed of myself. I let my wife and family down. After being responsible at the party I totally blew it at home. I didn’t think I drank as much as I did. But I did. I was so stoked to show I could be responsible with my own bottle. I feel like such a loser. It’s time to view responsible differently now that I know I still can’t be responsible with liquor. Responsible is not buying liquor again and accepting that I do this every time no matter how much I say I’m not going to. I owe my wife an apology. I can do better.